Sex, Self-Discovery and Starting Over: Empowering Your 40s Journey

Sex, Self, and Starting Over: Getting Real about Sex after 40

Turning 40 is one of those big milestones that makes you stop and take a good, hard look at your life. You think about your choices, your relationships, and who you’ve become. It’s also a time when, for many of us, questions about desire and pleasure start bubbling up—questions we may not have had the time, energy, or courage to ask before.

Let’s be real: figuring out what you want (or don’t want) in this stage of life can feel equal parts exciting and terrifying. For some women, it’s a time of awakening. For others, it feels like uncharted territory. Either way, exploring your sexuality after 40 can be one hell of a ride—messy, liberating, and everything in between.

Why Society Makes This So Hard

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: societal expectations. For as long as I can remember, there’s been this unspoken rulebook about how women are supposed to think and feel about sex. When we’re younger, we’re told to “save ourselves” or not be “too loose.” Then, when we hit our 40s, the message shifts to: “Oh, you’re still into that?” The judgement is real!

It’s exhausting.

The good news is that things are starting to change. These days, women are pushing back on the idea that our sexuality has an expiration date. We’re owning our bodies, desires, speaking up about what we want, and refusing to shrink into the background.

But even with all this progress, breaking free from those old ideas is easier said than done. Those little voices in the back of your head—the ones telling you what’s “appropriate” or “moral”—are hard to ignore. And if you’ve spent decades playing by those rules, stepping outside the lines can feel more than a little scary.

My Own Journey: Late to the Party

I’ll be honest: as a woman in my late 40s, I’ve realized my sexual needs and wants have shifted, a whole lot. And you know what? Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out.

When I hear younger women talk so openly and unapologetically about their sexual experiences, I can’t help but feel envious. They’re out here living their best, uninhibited lives, and meanwhile, I’m over here realizing I’ve been holding myself back for years.

Now, let me be clear—I’m not saying I agree with everything they’re doing or that I’m ready to dive headfirst into all the wild stuff I hear about. But I can’t lie: there’s a part of me that’s secretly raising my hand for a few of those “classes.”

The truth is, I’m at a point in life where I care a lot less about what people think. But old habits die hard, and sometimes I still feel the weight of those societal “rules” about how women “my age” are supposed to act—especially when it comes to sex.

The Podcast That Opened My Eyes

A little while ago, I stumbled across a podcast called Whorible Decisions (my daughter really sent it to me, lol). Let me just say: this show is NOT for the easily offended. If you’re super religious, judgmental, or not ready to face some big truths about yourself, this might not be your jam.

But if you’re curious? Oh, you’re in for a ride.

The two women who host the podcast are bold, unapologetic, and completely comfortable in their sexuality. They talk about everything—stuff most of us wouldn’t dream of saying out loud. But what I love most about them is their confidence. They challenge the idea that women can’t separate sex from intimacy or relationships, and they prove that it’s okay to embrace your desires without guilt or shame.

Listening to them, I’ve had so many “aha” moments. They’ve reminded me that owning your sexuality isn’t about being perfect or fearless—it’s about giving yourself permission to explore.

So, Where Do You Start?

If you’re like me and feel ready to dive into this whole self-discovery thing, here are a few tips to get started:

                  •               Get curious. Start asking yourself what you really want—no filters, no judgment. Let yourself explore those thoughts without shutting them down.

                  •               Let go of guilt. Easier said than done, I know. But the more you recognize how societal norms have shaped your beliefs about sex, the easier it becomes to challenge them.

                  •               Talk to your partner. If you’re in a relationship, don’t be afraid to open up about how your needs have changed. Honest conversations can lead to deeper connection (and way better sex). You never know, he may like to watch.

                  •               Find inspiration. Whether it’s a podcast like Whorible Decisions-https://youtu.be/_BQYR4wEjBA?si=o5m5qfyOWftdscxw , a book, or even a close friend, look for voices that resonate with where you are in your journey.

                  •               Give yourself grace. You’re not going to figure everything out overnight. This is about exploring, learning, and growing—at your own pace.

Here’s the Truth

Rediscovering your sexuality after 40 isn’t about trying to relive your 20s or proving something to anyone else. It’s about taking back control, rewriting your story, and finding what truly lights your fire. And…Some days, it’ll feel like a hot mess, and other days, it’ll feel like pure magic. But through it all, you’ll be learning more about yourself. So, here’s my advice: lean in, let go, and don’t be afraid to color, scribble or draw a new picture outside the lines. You’ve got a lot of living (and loving) left to do.

Until next time!

A.L.R.